Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
