If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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