a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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