she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize