I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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