Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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