I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize