everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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