he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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