Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
