I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
