maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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