I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
