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am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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