you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night