I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT