I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.