Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.