so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
