she smelled like a LAN party
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
