fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
