i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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