what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
