Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
