Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
