I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize