Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
