I want to make a zoo with you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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