Need sex. Gaining weight.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
