If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
