Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
