Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
