Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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