Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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