How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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