Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
