you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
