my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
