I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
