after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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