then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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