I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
