I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
