btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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