it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
