Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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