Got a toothbrush?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
