i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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