Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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