mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
