just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
