the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
