We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
50% drunk capacity currently
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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