We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
