Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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