but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
