he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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