Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
