They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
