it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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