No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
