i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
