Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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