Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
