She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize