Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
